


A Sky of a Million Stars

by Irrisia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ...potentially happy ending?, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, and boy did they mess up for Lance, or potentially terrible ending, sometimes soulmate bonds mess up in this universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 08:16:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16929696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrisia/pseuds/Irrisia
Summary: There's something nebulous between Lance and Shiro, and Lance has been trying so hard not to think about it- but he can't leave Shiro alone when something seems wrong, can he? Even if it feels strange, talking to a ghost.





	A Sky of a Million Stars

Lance isn't sure a cliff is where he would choose to sit, all things considered, but maybe there's something about edges and risk that appeals to Shiro. And it did give a good view of the planet they've landed on this time, stars above and... probably trees spread out below them, although orange trees is definitely different and their branches form strange whorls rather than the standard branch patterns. The stars are cold, and so distant, but bright enough to provide a lot of light, and he looks up at them for a moment, appreciating the strange beauty.

But he's not there for the view, really. It's just easier to look at that than the other person gazing out over it.

He takes a seat next to Shiro, aware he's probably intruding and unwelcome. He isn't Keith, after all, and he's not Shiro's partner or second in command any more. He isn't supposed to be the one seeing Shiro in his unguarded moments, probably never was. He is, however, very used to watching Shiro- the _other_ Shiro, he reminds himself- and noticing when something is off. Not that it was all that difficult, when Shiro had looked so stricken as he stared at his covered wrist. The human wrist. The wrist Lance is all too aware holds Shiro's timer. And he's also used to following Shiro when he leaves, to make sure he's okay. Even if it's a different Shiro, he can't get over the urge. So he'd waited for Shiro to slip off and followed him, and it's probably the first chance he's had to speak to Shiro alone since he woke up because they're all packed into the lions all the time, and he just... doesn't know where to start. There's so much he should say, and so much he isn't sure he can. _Sorry for letting you down_ and anything that starts _hey so your clone_ and _do you want to talk about it?_.

 _What do you remember?_. That's a good one, too.

"So hey, nice view tonight, right? And a lack of anything shooting at us, that's good too," he says, trying to sound cheerful. It's rambling and it's probably unnecessary and irritating, but- even Lance could feel awkward. "Think we can just stay here for a few days? Maybe catch some sleep, see if the lions recharge a bit..."

No response, but he isn't expecting one. Shiro doesn't talk about his problems with anyone, but especially not teenagers he still feels responsible for, no matter how much experience they have as a team or in battles. Lance sighs, knees pulled up in front of him, arms resting on top of them.

"You know, I should have known it was weird when Shiro- the other Shiro always wore short sleeves. Like, in all the time we've been out here, you've never worn them." The words spill out, and it's not the best idea, but at least it's verging on the actual topic. "He got angry, too, but we just kinda put that down to even more trauma." _And sometimes he trusted me enough to let me help him, when he did._ It's so hard not to reach out and take Shiro's wrist, wrap his fingers around the timer there. "Kinda weird, right? You never get that angry. Or sad. Not where anyone can see you. Which is why I guess you're out here, right?"

Tactful, it isn't, but Lance is mostly best at being tactful when it's people he doesn't really care about. Those people, it's easy to play charming with when he knows they're not sticking around and will only have a brief, fleeting memory of him. He doesn't have to make much of an impression on them.

Shiro finally turns- and blinks, almost surprised, like an unexpected thought just crossed his mind. Lance smiles, a little more raw than his usual cheerfully aggressive smirk, still trying to fit his- the other Shiro's expressions to this one's face. Even if it's weird, with the all-white hair. Carefully, in a calculated bet he knows what's wrong, he rolls up his sleeve, just enough for the minutes and seconds of his timer to show, the numbers ticking up. Hopefully in the dark, and with the numbers only partly on display, Shiro won't add two and two together- or 00.00.24.08.17. 08.18. 08.19.

Idly he wonders why timers conform so much to Earth times, but then- so far, he hasn't seen an alien with a timer, either. Maybe it's only a human thing. That had been pretty disappointing, but kind of a relief too- he'd been free to flirt as much as he liked, with aliens who had no idea what destiny and timers and soulbonds were, ignore the numbers ticking down impossibly. He hadn't even really wanted a soulmate in the first place, not if it meant opening up to someone who'd see all of him.

He'd found one anyway. Found one, and lost one, and he'd do almost anything to have him back. Almost.

"Want to talk about it?" Lance asks the silence. "I mean, probably not, it's _you_ , but if you do I'm all ears."

He should have been more careful, probably, but in his defence, he totally did not expect Shiro to reach over and actually touch the revealed timer. He also should probably have made sure not to react when the ghost of his bond flickered for a moment, flaring in confusion at the almost-right touch, a trickle of euphoria rather than the flood it should have been. Maybe if he had, he could have played it off, made Shiro think any answering echo was just- nothing.

But he winces, instead, wrist pulled away from a hand he's all too familiar with and a still aching loss. It's only made worse by the shadow-bond, too thin and too stretched and still _there_. If it was gone, he could- just get on with it, pretend it didn't matter until it genuinely didn't, accept it was gone forever and move on. Maybe not in twenty-four days, but eventually.

He tries to play it off anyway. "I guess that's a no? Well, guess it's time to head back, maybe Hunk's made snacks, or Allura needs something, I should just leave you to it-"

"Lance, I already know." Shiro sounds... rough, Lance isn't going to lie, when he finally speaks. But Shiro is speaking in a tone Lance is familiar with, a steady, patient tone, and he _hates_ it. It isn't how Shiro- and screw it, maybe he should just call his Shiro Jiro, the characters had been identical clones too, right?- would have spoken to him. He blinks himself, trying not to remember, only barely tuning back into Shiro's words. "...happened?"

" _Don't_. I know, he wasn't real, he wasn't you, he's gone, it doesn't matter-" Lance says, defensive. He doesn't want to talk about it, really. But at the same time, he does. He hasn't been able to talk about it with anyone at all, even- before. His Shiro had wanted to keep things slow and quiet, and Lance had wanted to help his hero, his soulmate, and then after... everyone had been so happy to have the real Shiro back, Lance hadn't wanted to ruin it. But now the words spill out again, all frayed edges and hurt. "Nothing happened, okay. We just- held hands, sometimes. When his head hurt, mostly. Or when he was in a worse mood than usual and didn't know what to do." And maybe he'd coaxed Shiro into kissing him a couple of times, let his fingers trail up over Shiro's arms, human or metal, but that was all. He regretted it, now, but there wasn't much chance to fix it, and anyway- "I watched him go, Shiro. He was right there in front of me, and then- something they did when they activated him, I don't know, but he was still moving but he wasn't all _there_ any more." He swallows, but he feels better for saying it. And maybe it will make Shiro feel better, who knows. Maybe Shiro's been worried about whether Lance is angry at him for taking the body. He doesn't know. Shiro doesn't say anything, although Lance can see his expression soften. He cuts it off, as best he can. "This isn't even why I'm out here. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Lance says.

Shiro watches him silently for another moment, and Lance almost gets up and goes, but- before he can decide to do it, Shiro pulls his sleeve up, too. Even in the starlight, it's still clear the timer is a mess. Half of it is fine, everything down to the days agreeing, still black zeroes. It's only in the hours and minutes things change, grey zeroes overlapping grey numbers ticking up. He's pretty sure that should be impossible, but- he focusses on the zeroes, half there, just like his bond. The zeroes, and the familiar wrist underneath. "His name was Adam," Shiro says, in that same patient tone. "He didn't want me to go to space. We broke up over it, before Kerberos."

Lance swallows. Soulmates breaking up- that's not unheard of, but it's a big deal. "I'm sorry," he whispers, eyes still on those numbers, but focus on the ones ticking up this time.

"Don't be. You had nothing to do with it." Shiro shrugs. "I haven't even really thought about it much for years. First Kerberos, then the Galra, then- everything else. Somewhere in all that, it didn't seem that important any more. It was just... a little bit of a shock to feel the bond go, that's all. But that isn't why I'm out here." He turns to look at Lance, face impassive.

And it's so like Shiro to downplay what he feels that Lance can't help reaching over, hand over those numbers, trying to- what, hide them? Stupid, but he doesn't like the way Shiro looks, assumes it's something to do with those numbers. Of course, that just makes the bond confused again, and he pulls his hand back. "Sorry," he says again, a little louder. "Just- you looked like him, for a moment."

Shro sighs again, and it's only familiarity with his Shiro that makes Lance recognise it as an awkward sigh, rather than a frustrated one. "...I'm... remembering what he did and saw. In fragments, not all of it. Not yet. But... when my bond to Adam went, I realised there was still something there. And feeling that bond made some of the memories stronger. Mostly the ones with you in." He pauses for a moment, apparently looking for the words. "He seemed a little more at peace, when you were around. And I don't think he was disappointed, when he realised your timers matched."

Lance has to blink again, eyes stinging. Maybe he was important to his Shiro, after all. Maybe it really had just been that his Shiro was as confused as Lance had been, wary about it- especially if he remembered already having a soulmate. It hurts hearing it, but it's a relief, too, and maybe that's why he opens up a little more. "I never saw your timer, before. And it wouldn't be the first time timers have been weird like that, you know? They mess up, or they wait until after some big event, and- he was different. I thought it was just that, just that whatever the Galra had done was enough to make him different enough. I felt bad about it. Like he had to suffer, for me. But I felt so happy, too. I always looked up to you. And then he had to deal with having me for a soulmate. Shiro, the hero of the Garrison, and a guy who nearly flunked fighter class, and the timing was so bad when we were still stuck in space and he had to keep the team together." He's not sure why he needs to tell Shiro that. Maybe just because he never got to tell his Shiro, not when he was barely hanging on anyway.

This time, when Shiro reaches out, Lance lets him take his wrist, doesn't flinch back. Even if it's a ghost now, the bond still reminds him of the time he did get. More than some people, at least. And it's still relaxing, even if the effect is muted. "I'm sure he didn't think about it that way," Shiro says, calm and definite, and this time Lance doesn't hate it.

Lance laughs, soft and short and maybe... a little fond, still. The Shiros aren't the same, but they're not completely different, either. "You know you're not meant to be comforting me, right? That's really not what I came out here for."

Shiro almost smiles, a faint turn of his lips. "I'll be okay. It's been years since Adam. I've already mourned. And... this is helping."

After a moment, Lance shifts his hand, taking Shiro's hand properly. Maybe it's too much. Maybe he's pushing for something that isn't there. But at the same time, _this is helping_ , his Shiro's voice echoes, from one of the few times he'd let Lance hold his hand during a headache.

"Well, that's what I'm here for, right? Being a right-hand man, and all," he says, injecting a little more cheer into his voice along with the pun. It's strained, but- not entirely fake. If the ghost of a bond is enough for Shiro, it's better than nothing at all, in Lance's opinion. He'd be more worried about the pun in conjunction with Shiro's missing arm, but it isn't like Shiro's sense of humour can't be dark as well.

Sure enough, Shiro laughs, short and sharp. "Yeah? Volunteering for the position?" he asks, and Lance's heart skips. Okay, it's not the same, and it's almost certainly too soon, but- well, it isn't like he didn't have a huge crush on Shiro anyway. For _years_. And maybe life doesn't have to be over. Maybe he can have his memories and something new, too, and help someone else in the process.

"...As long as it can go slow, sure. You're... not him, okay. I know that. And I don't want you to be him. But you look like him, and that's probably going to hurt sometimes, and you don't always act like him and that's going to hurt too. But if you're willing to put up with this for now-" he lifts Shiro's hand, feeling a little better just for that echo between them "-and, you know, _me_ , then I guess I can put up with being stuck with someone I've looked up to for years. Maybe. Especially if you want someone to talk to, about- Adam, or what happened when you were gone, or anything."

"As long as you bear with me while I try and get these memories straight, sure. I don't think I'll want to go much faster, either, and I wasn't really looking to get into anything new." Shiro looks a little uncertain for a moment, and it's strange seeing it, but- nice, too. Less like a wall between them. "And some of it is going to be his feelings, and that's not great for either of us. But... I think it's worth a try. And Lance- you can always come talk to me about him, if you want to."

It still feels strange, smiling. But Lance finds one anyway, puts it across his face, and turns to look up at the stars, not quite so cold or distant any more. His Shiro is gone, and things will never be the same, but they have this Shiro back. And he won't be alone in remembering his Shiro, or in the knowledge his Shiro wasn't _just_ a weapon. For now, it's enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I guess it depends on what you count as a happy ending. It won't be easy for them. Maybe that's a sequel idea, somewhere down the line? 
> 
> But anyway I'm sorry I just love messed up soulmate nonsense.
> 
> Title from "One More Light" by Linkin Park;
> 
> "Who cares if one more light goes out  
> In a sky of a million stars"
> 
> if you want to talk I'm [here on tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/adistantsea) or [here on pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/adistantsea)


End file.
